[If it had been in the foyer, Jae-ha would certainly still be snarling.
He knows it innately because he can still feel it now - the temptation to demand answers from Sousei, the urge to shake him and ask what had gone wrong, the snarling anger of a dragon stolen from him - but it's further away. Everything feels... further away.
Like those feelings are also locked up behind a glass case.
But he sees the way that Sousei looks at him, hears his tone, and he can't help but huff out a breath. The faintest, faintest tone of amusement - though it might be closer to a dim mirth.]
If you're about to offer me an apology, I don't want it.
[... Ha. Of course. It's just like Jae-ha to offer that up too, even though he should be snarling. Even though he should be shaking Sousei, even though he should be furious with him for breaking his word when Sousei had been so certain--
(She had been right there. In the morning, she had been right there.
Which means that Sousei failed because of magic, because he's simply not skilled enough to be able to tell an illusion when he must.)
He drags in a slow breath, eyes fixed on Jae-ha.]
...Fine then. [Not right now. He owes Jae-ha an apology, but this is about Jae-ha and not about Sousei; he can recognize that much in grief.]
But still, I intend to remain here, if you will not send me away.
[He doesn't know why. He's not any good at comfort, not really. But... it doesn't feel right to leave Jae-ha in his grief either.]
There are too many people in this castle, too many eyes everywhere, that makes it far too easy for his grief to be spotted. Even his room he doesn't dare to return to, since it would mean taking it away from Sharpay. It's why Jae-ha wants to be alone. He wants to run to the sky, to a cliffside that no one else can reach, somewhere far away from here.
But he can't.
There's a joke that rests on the tip of his tongue -
'Already lonely without the Captain?'
... he means it for Sousei but it doesn't leave his lips, like it's afraid of becoming the truth the second it spills into the air between them.]
... Why?
[And Jae-ha shakes his head because even he can admit - ] I don't know if I'm exactly at my best to entertain company at the moment.
[Sousei says that much immediately; he doesn't need or want that. He's a man awaiting his execution, and Jae-ha is a man who has lost someone precious to him.
(If Sousei had to say which of them ended up with the rawer deal, he'd say Jae-ha in a heartbeat.
He still wakes up in a cold sweat, sometimes, remembering the way he had felt when that trapdoor had dropped out from under Tenka's feet.)]
It is...
[...Because he's worried? That's exactly what it is, and yet--those words don't pass his lips. It'd be a stupid thing to acknowledge right now anyway (they're not attached to each other by any means, and yet he still thinks it'd be a kindness for Jae-ha to not feel any sort of attachment at all before whenever this nebulous execution occurs), and so instead he huffs.]
... because she asked that I look after you. [Gi-gan. It's a useful option, now.] I do not make it a habit to ignore important requests.
[The hesitation is something he focuses on - because it likely obscures what Sousei is truly saying. Is there a reason why he would hesitate to mention Gi-gan? Because it's so soon? Then he wouldn't do it at all, because that's a sting that will always be difficult. Maybe it just has to do with Sousei's general quiet in the moment and -
Jae-ha wonders if it matters at all.
He remembers the rulebook - you can't go on without a partner.
Sousei might be gone soon.
With that in mind - does it matter at all if he's telling Jae-ha the truth about why he wants to see him?
So he sighs as he makes a gesture for Sousei to join him, at his seat by a tall, tall window.]
Is that it... then I can't very well help you defy my Captain's orders.
[He'll let Sousei have his lie - he won't pick at it.]
[...Hm. So Sousei quietly moves to do so, taking a seat as well, expression quiet and closed off, mostly contemplative.
So much... has gone wrong in such a short period of time. The most frustrating part might even be that it didn't have to be this way--but it feels as though it was laid out to end up this way no matter what.
Slowly, he breathes out, and:]
...What happened to you?
[For breaking curfew? In ending up in the kitchen like that?]
[ . . . . his answer is slow, like he's not sure if he should tell it, like the truth is such a delicate and fragile thing - ]
You know, I left the Captain at her room right after dinner. I walked her back, wished her well. After that - I was restless, so I walked around for a bit more, spoke to some people, but intended to return to the dorms just to let Sharpay know that I wouldn't be able to stay for the night, but the doors were locked and she shouldn't open them for anyone.
... but she wouldn't have it. She wanted me to stay - and before I knew it, I was locked in.
I'd thought - 'Ah, she's afraid. If the Captain knew that I left this girl behind, one whose fate was tied to mine, and she was scared for her very life... just to chase after a hunch....'
[His eyes flick to the door - the direction of the Grand Foyer.]
I thought that I wouldn't be able to face her again.
[Jae-ha's lived for the sake of his sense of beauty - and for the sake of what could make his Captain proud. He thought it was a noble life.]
So that's...what happened. Jae-ha did not break curfew, because he was defending someone else. Because he wanted to do what he could for the girl he was stuck with, even though she was a stranger to him.
Because he's that sort of person.
A person with a good heart, who wants to protect others, no matter who they are to him. He was following his set of morals, which he received directly in part from the person who paid for them.
Sousei draws in a slow breath, and lets it out, staring out into the room. And slowly, softly:]
... I did not sleep. The entire time, she was there. I watched her leave, this morning, when it should have been safe.
[His expression is calm, but there's a clear indication that his jaw is clenched, tightly beneath.]
Or she was not there, and I simply could not see.
[A trick of this place. Magic, or something strange. It's not an excuse, and he would never intend it to be--he still believes he does not deserve to be exonerated for not keeping his promise. But--]
You followed your morals and protected that girl. Perhaps she would have been fine without you. Perhaps she would not have been.
But...
[...]
Even if you had been standing outside of that door, would you have been able to do anything to deal with magic such as that?
[Hallucinations, or whatever directly messed with his brain--could Jae-ha be certain that he would have been able to protect Gi-gan through that? It doesn't help with the fact that she's dead--
But Sousei doesn't think that this sort of guilt becomes Jae-ha at all, for doing what he knows Gi-gan would have wanted him to do.]
Jae-ha contemplates that as he sits beside Sousei, wondering if maybe this was all unavoidable to some degree. If something would've happened to Gi-gan no matter what, no matter who he asked to look after her, no matter what precautions he might have tried to take. He lets out a sigh and - there's nothing that can ease his heart in this moment.
There's always something more that he could have done.
But for Sousei - isn't it the same?
When he lets out that breath, his shoulders slump and he moves to bump lightly and slowly against Sousei, settling for leaning on him just slightly - a small gesture but.]
What a pair are we.
If Captain saw us she'd - [is he pushing himself? something stops in his throat, but he pushes past it] .... she'd call us a couple of boneheads.
[Is it too soon to miss her?]
.... My dilemma feels less pressing than yours.
Any chance I could trade spots? Do you suppose they'd let me, if I asked nicely?
[... Sousei sits up straight, but he doesn't shove Jae-ha off, either. He'll allow this, right now. He'll allow the exhausted lean of a man who has already lost too much, in a game that is cruel and unfair and has only just begun.
Sousei looks at the room around them, and sighs. Jae-ha is pushing himself--but Jae-ha is an adult. He knows what his limits are. Sousei would not even begin to try to constrain those--wouldn't that just be another constraint of that freedom Jae-ha loves so much?
Instead, he allows him to do as he pleases, and finds that even with the short week he had with Gi-gan, he can still hear that phrase in her voice. Funny...]
... Don't be so quick to throw away your life.
[Sousei says that much calmly, almost mildly, as he glances off. He's ducked execution twice--he's resolved the problem that was before him, and he knows the country will be better off that way. In all honesty, if he dies here, it won't be a great loss--one life snuffed out, but a life whose purpose had already been accomplished at least once. Not everyone can say that.
(Tenka, and the Yamainu, and Soramaru...
Not getting to see the sea with Tenka, and bicker with him over how they could best serve their country, diplomat and navy side-by-side--he thinks the only pang he really feels is to not get to experience that future.)]
If this is how it is meant to end, then so be it. But it is not over until I am no longer breathing, and I do not intend on giving in to despair just yet. That means you had better not do so either.
[It's a quiet disagreement - because there are still things that he doesn't bother to lend a voice to. 'It's not that I've given up' is what he says, and it's true. But he can do math.
Even if he dies here - a new green dragon will take his place if the people here find success and stories are unfrozen. Jae-ha is 25, and dragons don't live past 30. He knows in his heart that his five years might be nothing, merely a drop in the ocean compared to the difference Sousei can make in his countless many to come -
But of course he doesn't want it.]
Then are we trying to make another plan?
[The unspoken being: we see how well the last one turned out.
But even with that fact holding over both of their heads - ]
... maybe there's nothing else to do, so what's left to do but try?
[Maybe some part of Jae-ha had resigned - had allowed Sousei to sit down with the simple notion of you don't know how much time you have left with a person - but an alternative will give him something away from the grief, the mistakes that have already been made.
[Sousei shakes his head. Even if Jae-ha is willing to let it go, Sousei isn't. He hears that quiet disagreement, but he just lifts his chin and looks at Jae-ha tartly, and:]
I do not care what else it is. I do not care if you have a terminal disease and are slated to die the day after tomorrow. I do not care if you are some sort of criminal with a bounty on your head, or if you feel you have no place to return to now, or whatever it is that is on your mind.
[Quite frankly!!]
It is still a day longer than tomorrow, and you should embrace it for what it is. So long as you are living, there is always hope for the future.
[No matter how long that future might be.
Sousei drags in another slow breath...and then nods quietly to himself. In truth, he's pretty much out of plans. He's been thinking and thinking and thinking, and has just been going in circles. They don't have enough information. But--]
... It is always worth trying.
[Always. And, in words that are more Jae-ha's than his own, but that he feels are particularly suiting for this situation:]
[ . . . tch. A smile pulls a Jae-ha's mouth, even if it doesn't quite reach his eyes - ]
Do you think that you're the only person who believes in defying fate? In refusing to accept destiny?
I wouldn't talk like you know me so well - it's only been a week, you know.
[Giving up? No, that's not Jae-ha's future. Rattling against his chains, pulling at what restrains him until he bleeds, it's what he's always done. But here he is, being lectured on just that - on letting the threat of death hang over him if it just means that Sousei would get to live a bit longer.
They're still near each other, Jae-ha having closed the space between them earlier. When he turns to face Sousei directly, he might dangerously cross the line into personal space.]
But I'd be careful, too.
Or else I'll start to get the idea that you might be interested in me.
[apparently he's been irritated enough to bite back in the form of spite flirting]
[And this time... Sousei holds his ground, meeting Jae-ha's eyes calmly, one eyebrow arched. He's dangerously close, but this isn't about that right now. This isn't about Jae-ha being inappropriate because that is what he feels like doing, isn't it?
To get a rise out of him, maybe, but because also--]
That's more like it.
[Quite frankly! Because it's... a hell of a lot easier to leave behind a Jae-ha who is speaking of that defiance over a Jae-ha who talks of taking Sousei's place immediately after Gi-gan's death.]
... And no, I do not know you well--so no, I am not interested in you.
[Oh.
Well okay then!!
(But it feels better to hear Jae-ha talking like this anyway.)]
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He knows it innately because he can still feel it now - the temptation to demand answers from Sousei, the urge to shake him and ask what had gone wrong, the snarling anger of a dragon stolen from him - but it's further away. Everything feels... further away.
Like those feelings are also locked up behind a glass case.
But he sees the way that Sousei looks at him, hears his tone, and he can't help but huff out a breath. The faintest, faintest tone of amusement - though it might be closer to a dim mirth.]
If you're about to offer me an apology, I don't want it.
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(She had been right there. In the morning, she had been right there.
Which means that Sousei failed because of magic, because he's simply not skilled enough to be able to tell an illusion when he must.)
He drags in a slow breath, eyes fixed on Jae-ha.]
...Fine then. [Not right now. He owes Jae-ha an apology, but this is about Jae-ha and not about Sousei; he can recognize that much in grief.]
But still, I intend to remain here, if you will not send me away.
[He doesn't know why. He's not any good at comfort, not really. But... it doesn't feel right to leave Jae-ha in his grief either.]
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There are too many people in this castle, too many eyes everywhere, that makes it far too easy for his grief to be spotted. Even his room he doesn't dare to return to, since it would mean taking it away from Sharpay. It's why Jae-ha wants to be alone. He wants to run to the sky, to a cliffside that no one else can reach, somewhere far away from here.
But he can't.
There's a joke that rests on the tip of his tongue -
'Already lonely without the Captain?'
... he means it for Sousei but it doesn't leave his lips, like it's afraid of becoming the truth the second it spills into the air between them.]
... Why?
[And Jae-ha shakes his head because even he can admit - ] I don't know if I'm exactly at my best to entertain company at the moment.
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[Sousei says that much immediately; he doesn't need or want that. He's a man awaiting his execution, and Jae-ha is a man who has lost someone precious to him.
(If Sousei had to say which of them ended up with the rawer deal, he'd say Jae-ha in a heartbeat.
He still wakes up in a cold sweat, sometimes, remembering the way he had felt when that trapdoor had dropped out from under Tenka's feet.)]
It is...
[...Because he's worried? That's exactly what it is, and yet--those words don't pass his lips. It'd be a stupid thing to acknowledge right now anyway (they're not attached to each other by any means, and yet he still thinks it'd be a kindness for Jae-ha to not feel any sort of attachment at all before whenever this nebulous execution occurs), and so instead he huffs.]
... because she asked that I look after you. [Gi-gan. It's a useful option, now.] I do not make it a habit to ignore important requests.
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Jae-ha wonders if it matters at all.
He remembers the rulebook - you can't go on without a partner.
Sousei might be gone soon.
With that in mind - does it matter at all if he's telling Jae-ha the truth about why he wants to see him?
So he sighs as he makes a gesture for Sousei to join him, at his seat by a tall, tall window.]
Is that it... then I can't very well help you defy my Captain's orders.
[He'll let Sousei have his lie - he won't pick at it.]
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So much... has gone wrong in such a short period of time. The most frustrating part might even be that it didn't have to be this way--but it feels as though it was laid out to end up this way no matter what.
Slowly, he breathes out, and:]
...What happened to you?
[For breaking curfew? In ending up in the kitchen like that?]
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You know, I left the Captain at her room right after dinner. I walked her back, wished her well. After that - I was restless, so I walked around for a bit more, spoke to some people, but intended to return to the dorms just to let Sharpay know that I wouldn't be able to stay for the night, but the doors were locked and she shouldn't open them for anyone.
... but she wouldn't have it. She wanted me to stay - and before I knew it, I was locked in.
I'd thought - 'Ah, she's afraid. If the Captain knew that I left this girl behind, one whose fate was tied to mine, and she was scared for her very life... just to chase after a hunch....'
[His eyes flick to the door - the direction of the Grand Foyer.]
I thought that I wouldn't be able to face her again.
[Jae-ha's lived for the sake of his sense of beauty - and for the sake of what could make his Captain proud. He thought it was a noble life.]
.... but if I'd gone, if I'd just done it—
[ - maybe she'd still be here for me to face.]
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So that's...what happened. Jae-ha did not break curfew, because he was defending someone else. Because he wanted to do what he could for the girl he was stuck with, even though she was a stranger to him.
Because he's that sort of person.
A person with a good heart, who wants to protect others, no matter who they are to him. He was following his set of morals, which he received directly in part from the person who paid for them.
Sousei draws in a slow breath, and lets it out, staring out into the room. And slowly, softly:]
... I did not sleep. The entire time, she was there. I watched her leave, this morning, when it should have been safe.
[His expression is calm, but there's a clear indication that his jaw is clenched, tightly beneath.]
Or she was not there, and I simply could not see.
[A trick of this place. Magic, or something strange. It's not an excuse, and he would never intend it to be--he still believes he does not deserve to be exonerated for not keeping his promise. But--]
You followed your morals and protected that girl. Perhaps she would have been fine without you. Perhaps she would not have been.
But...
[...]
Even if you had been standing outside of that door, would you have been able to do anything to deal with magic such as that?
[Hallucinations, or whatever directly messed with his brain--could Jae-ha be certain that he would have been able to protect Gi-gan through that? It doesn't help with the fact that she's dead--
But Sousei doesn't think that this sort of guilt becomes Jae-ha at all, for doing what he knows Gi-gan would have wanted him to do.]
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Something just out of his reach.
Jae-ha contemplates that as he sits beside Sousei, wondering if maybe this was all unavoidable to some degree. If something would've happened to Gi-gan no matter what, no matter who he asked to look after her, no matter what precautions he might have tried to take. He lets out a sigh and - there's nothing that can ease his heart in this moment.
There's always something more that he could have done.
But for Sousei - isn't it the same?
When he lets out that breath, his shoulders slump and he moves to bump lightly and slowly against Sousei, settling for leaning on him just slightly - a small gesture but.]
What a pair are we.
If Captain saw us she'd - [is he pushing himself? something stops in his throat, but he pushes past it] .... she'd call us a couple of boneheads.
[Is it too soon to miss her?]
.... My dilemma feels less pressing than yours.
Any chance I could trade spots? Do you suppose they'd let me, if I asked nicely?
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Sousei looks at the room around them, and sighs. Jae-ha is pushing himself--but Jae-ha is an adult. He knows what his limits are. Sousei would not even begin to try to constrain those--wouldn't that just be another constraint of that freedom Jae-ha loves so much?
Instead, he allows him to do as he pleases, and finds that even with the short week he had with Gi-gan, he can still hear that phrase in her voice. Funny...]
... Don't be so quick to throw away your life.
[Sousei says that much calmly, almost mildly, as he glances off. He's ducked execution twice--he's resolved the problem that was before him, and he knows the country will be better off that way. In all honesty, if he dies here, it won't be a great loss--one life snuffed out, but a life whose purpose had already been accomplished at least once. Not everyone can say that.
(Tenka, and the Yamainu, and Soramaru...
Not getting to see the sea with Tenka, and bicker with him over how they could best serve their country, diplomat and navy side-by-side--he thinks the only pang he really feels is to not get to experience that future.)]
If this is how it is meant to end, then so be it. But it is not over until I am no longer breathing, and I do not intend on giving in to despair just yet. That means you had better not do so either.
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[It's a quiet disagreement - because there are still things that he doesn't bother to lend a voice to. 'It's not that I've given up' is what he says, and it's true. But he can do math.
Even if he dies here - a new green dragon will take his place if the people here find success and stories are unfrozen. Jae-ha is 25, and dragons don't live past 30. He knows in his heart that his five years might be nothing, merely a drop in the ocean compared to the difference Sousei can make in his countless many to come -
But of course he doesn't want it.]
Then are we trying to make another plan?
[The unspoken being: we see how well the last one turned out.
But even with that fact holding over both of their heads - ]
... maybe there's nothing else to do, so what's left to do but try?
[Maybe some part of Jae-ha had resigned - had allowed Sousei to sit down with the simple notion of you don't know how much time you have left with a person - but an alternative will give him something away from the grief, the mistakes that have already been made.
How can he ensure that they won't make another?]
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I do not care what else it is. I do not care if you have a terminal disease and are slated to die the day after tomorrow. I do not care if you are some sort of criminal with a bounty on your head, or if you feel you have no place to return to now, or whatever it is that is on your mind.
[Quite frankly!!]
It is still a day longer than tomorrow, and you should embrace it for what it is. So long as you are living, there is always hope for the future.
[No matter how long that future might be.
Sousei drags in another slow breath...and then nods quietly to himself. In truth, he's pretty much out of plans. He's been thinking and thinking and thinking, and has just been going in circles. They don't have enough information. But--]
... It is always worth trying.
[Always. And, in words that are more Jae-ha's than his own, but that he feels are particularly suiting for this situation:]
Giving up is rather ugly, isn't it?
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Do you think that you're the only person who believes in defying fate? In refusing to accept destiny?
I wouldn't talk like you know me so well - it's only been a week, you know.
[Giving up? No, that's not Jae-ha's future. Rattling against his chains, pulling at what restrains him until he bleeds, it's what he's always done. But here he is, being lectured on just that - on letting the threat of death hang over him if it just means that Sousei would get to live a bit longer.
They're still near each other, Jae-ha having closed the space between them earlier. When he turns to face Sousei directly, he might dangerously cross the line into personal space.]
But I'd be careful, too.
Or else I'll start to get the idea that you might be interested in me.
[apparently he's been irritated enough to bite back in the form of spite flirting]
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To get a rise out of him, maybe, but because also--]
That's more like it.
[Quite frankly! Because it's... a hell of a lot easier to leave behind a Jae-ha who is speaking of that defiance over a Jae-ha who talks of taking Sousei's place immediately after Gi-gan's death.]
... And no, I do not know you well--so no, I am not interested in you.
[Oh.
Well okay then!!
(But it feels better to hear Jae-ha talking like this anyway.)]
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And while he doesn't exactly pull back, then does manages to get him to drop the smug look.]
Now that sounds like a lie if I've ever heard one.
[like shit you don't know him well
they've actually managed to have real conversations in this place]
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Hm.
[Hm!!]
I suppose we may know each other more than we would like to admit to.
[He supposes.]
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As long as you realize that your reasoning for why you're not interested me has evaporated.
[petty ho
anyway.]
Are you done lecturing? I don't need to hear it, in case you were wondering it. Leave it for people who are still looking for someone to follow.
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[Seriously, he is not going to feel bad for lecturing after a comment like that.]
It doesn't suit someone like you at all.
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[now he's just being an ass about it]
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Rather, I think that was plain from the moment you started to speak about freedom.
[Don't give him that, you ass.]
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[for fuck's sake, sousei!!]
Before I agree to rebellion and revolution with you, I think I deserve that at least.
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I don't recall suggesting rebellion and revolution.
[That's absolutely what you were suggesting, Sousei.
Just admit it.]
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[SO BOLD]
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... When the situation calls for it. I am perfectly capable of settling down and following orders, for the record.
[He's really not.]
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[He's assuming but he's also so confident about it.]
It's not like I don't relate.
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