The Captain wouldn't have had any need to lead a band of pirates if not for the unhappy accident of someone less than trash trying to take ahold of an otherwise peaceful port town.
That doesn't pull away anymore from the fact that I'm rather sure she was meant to lead.
[But Sousei can't help but think that Tenka, who was always capable of drawing people to him, who was so passionate about his dreams and his underlings, was the one who was meant to lead.
Sousei... Sousei is something in between, someone who ended up leading because he had to, and perhaps, somehow, grew into the role a little.]
I won't deny that your captain had the aura of one who was to be listened to.
She'd tell you this too - and maybe it'd get through your thick skull quicker, if she has the aura of being listened to - but you're really bad at seeing yourself.
[But he won't linger on that, doesn't think he has the emotional capacity for it at the moment.]
[He's rather focus on Gi-gan anyway--because that's how it should be. She's the one who is gone, and she is the one who must be remembered in the here and now.]
...Yes. It is.
[A beat, and he adds, softly:]
Even in a week's time, she made an impact on many people here.
She saw a place where she was needed - and so she went to answer.
[ . . . . and how is he supposed to explain to those pirates exactly where it was that Gi-gan had gone? He falters then, struggling with the memory, direct as it is.]
... I'll endure this space without her.
It's what she would have wanted - she'd call me an idiot for letting this slow me down.
Perhaps she would say that. I can certainly imagine it.
However, I find it very difficult to believe that someone as understanding of people as her would not understand that grief is a necessary part of the human process.
[Sousei lifts his chin, fixing his eyes on Jae-ha firmly.]
There is nothing wrong with grieving. There is nothing wrong with taking the time you have to remember her in the way that suits you best.
[There's nothing wrong with emotions.]
I know you will endure. But... you do not have to pretend as though you have set aside those feelings, as well.
It is a kindness just as much as it is a cruelty. They're not polite company, is it? Ah, so it's not only that they have interest in each other, but rather the fact that they might even be friends. It's about time that Sousei got to acknowledge that.
But.
It does open that door for emotional vulnerability that Jae-ha normally keeps so firmly sealed. Bu Sousei is not someone he has to protect, not someone he has to be strong for.]
Is that so...
[He might - just be trying to buy time, when a joke can't quite fill up the space for him.]
[The word will not pass his lips, but yeah, he's practically acknowledging it. But he just watches Jae-ha think that over, watches him try to buy that time, and finally settles on breathing out a soft sigh, and:]
... I don't intend to repeat this. But.
I already respect you.
[He says that simply, and with surprising amounts of steadiness considering he's allergic to feelings.]
Your grief will not change my opinion on that or on you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Hm.
[Hm!!]
I suppose we may know each other more than we would like to admit to.
[He supposes.]
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As long as you realize that your reasoning for why you're not interested me has evaporated.
[petty ho
anyway.]
Are you done lecturing? I don't need to hear it, in case you were wondering it. Leave it for people who are still looking for someone to follow.
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[Seriously, he is not going to feel bad for lecturing after a comment like that.]
It doesn't suit someone like you at all.
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[now he's just being an ass about it]
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Rather, I think that was plain from the moment you started to speak about freedom.
[Don't give him that, you ass.]
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[for fuck's sake, sousei!!]
Before I agree to rebellion and revolution with you, I think I deserve that at least.
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I don't recall suggesting rebellion and revolution.
[That's absolutely what you were suggesting, Sousei.
Just admit it.]
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[SO BOLD]
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... When the situation calls for it. I am perfectly capable of settling down and following orders, for the record.
[He's really not.]
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[He's assuming but he's also so confident about it.]
It's not like I don't relate.
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[Oh.]
If I do not like them, they are not orders worth being followed.
[Arrogant little shit.]
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This is why I say you should give up the act and just admit that you're meant to lead, you know.
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...I was never meant to lead. It was an unhappy accident that I was ever handed any position of power, you know.
[So it's not necessarily an act.]
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The Captain wouldn't have had any need to lead a band of pirates if not for the unhappy accident of someone less than trash trying to take ahold of an otherwise peaceful port town.
That doesn't pull away anymore from the fact that I'm rather sure she was meant to lead.
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I suppose there is that.
[But Sousei can't help but think that Tenka, who was always capable of drawing people to him, who was so passionate about his dreams and his underlings, was the one who was meant to lead.
Sousei... Sousei is something in between, someone who ended up leading because he had to, and perhaps, somehow, grew into the role a little.]
I won't deny that your captain had the aura of one who was to be listened to.
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She'd tell you this too - and maybe it'd get through your thick skull quicker, if she has the aura of being listened to - but you're really bad at seeing yourself.
[But he won't linger on that, doesn't think he has the emotional capacity for it at the moment.]
... the castle is already emptier without her.
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...Yes. It is.
[A beat, and he adds, softly:]
Even in a week's time, she made an impact on many people here.
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... that's the Captain.
[it's just - hard, to start using past tense. So he's avoiding it.]
It's how she's always been.
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[Quite frankly...that sounds like something only she could do.]
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[ . . . . and how is he supposed to explain to those pirates exactly where it was that Gi-gan had gone? He falters then, struggling with the memory, direct as it is.]
... I'll endure this space without her.
It's what she would have wanted - she'd call me an idiot for letting this slow me down.
[But.
Emotions aren't quite that simple, are they?]
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However, I find it very difficult to believe that someone as understanding of people as her would not understand that grief is a necessary part of the human process.
[Sousei lifts his chin, fixing his eyes on Jae-ha firmly.]
There is nothing wrong with grieving. There is nothing wrong with taking the time you have to remember her in the way that suits you best.
[There's nothing wrong with emotions.]
I know you will endure. But... you do not have to pretend as though you have set aside those feelings, as well.
[Not right now.]
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Though Sousei's words manage to pull a tight smile onto his lips.]
... do you think that the spectacle I made earlier wasn't enough? I found it rather ugly, you know.
[Such a raw display of emotion, kicking, yelling, demanding things from someone who couldn't give them to him anymore.
... he exhales.]
Grief comes, and feeling it is important... but it hardly seems like the thing to do in polite company.
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[He'll acknowledge that much! Sousei would hate to break down in front of strangers and people he is trying to be strong in front of, as well.
But, that all said--]
But you are not in polite company right now. [WELL.
I GUESS HE DOESN'T CONSIDER HIMSELF THAT it's fine.]
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It is a kindness just as much as it is a cruelty. They're not polite company, is it? Ah, so it's not only that they have interest in each other, but rather the fact that they might even be friends. It's about time that Sousei got to acknowledge that.
But.
It does open that door for emotional vulnerability that Jae-ha normally keeps so firmly sealed. Bu Sousei is not someone he has to protect, not someone he has to be strong for.]
Is that so...
[He might - just be trying to buy time, when a joke can't quite fill up the space for him.]
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... I don't intend to repeat this. But.
I already respect you.
[He says that simply, and with surprising amounts of steadiness considering he's allergic to feelings.]
Your grief will not change my opinion on that or on you.
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