[No regrets sounds like a beautiful way to live, so it's only fitting that Jae-ha live it to the fullest just like that, right?
Maybe he's a little envious.
There's a mildly inquisitive look as his face is guided straight again, and Jae-ha's forehead is probably a little cool compared to his own, considering his fever. But it's still nice. Solid. The words are sweet and kind and they make him smile, and he's bringing his hands up again, resting feather-light against the sides of Jae-ha's head.
Softly:]
I don't think it's what happens to me.
[He hasn't read the history books that he had brought along with him so many weeks ago. Hijikata had died just two days after he first found them, and the could never really rope up the courage he needed to check after that. But between what he knows about his own health and the things Yasusada had said, he can hazard a decent guess.]
But it's a nice dream to have. I'll make the most of what I have while I can, too.
[Even if that just means treasuring the things he's found and the people he loves right here, right now.]
[Jae-ha raises a brow at that - and his expression turns curious. Wondering. There's no hiding his surprise if only because - ] Who told you that...? Is it because of what that man said?
[The one in Souji's memory - the one who question what he'd be able to do with a body like that. Jae-ha thinks back on it and he contemplates. Souji had both his arms, he had both of his legs - he could have done plenty. Even in that hallway, he managed to do plenty. Making a difference for the people that you care about, even if you think they're small in the long run...]
I think I remember telling you once that I thought you possess the loyalty of dragons - but I never once thought that you'd be shackled to fate the same way that we are.
To be thinking so far ahead - as if something will happen to you, and you cannot escape it - maybe I'm telling you the wrong thing...
But I don't think someone as beautiful as you should pay attention to something as small and fickle as 'fate'. [He pulls one hand away from Souji's face, taking one of Souji's hands instead and bringing it over his own chest, with his heart beats steadily.] You and I are similar that way.
Each breath you take is already an act of defiance, and your heart obviously beats for something more than the time that you have.
If it's already like that, why put up the facade of bare minimum satisfaction?
[The first question is one that earns him a little laugh, and Souji shakes his head a little even though he doesn't bother moving it away from Jae-ha's.]
Yamazaki-san is a fine doctor. He only worries as a doctor would.
[Honestly Yamazaki deserves a gotdam award for putting up with him. In any case, it's not that that's unnerved him, and he feels he'll continue to defy Yamazaki's well-intentioned orders until he's physically incapable of continuing to do so.
As his hand is moved and he can feel Jae-ha's heartbeat beneath his fingertips, he feels a little more at peace, somehow. There are certainly moments he hates this castle and hates being here. But he'd meant it when he said he doesn't regret it. Not if it brings him to people like this, who say they understand and truly, truly do.]
...It's a kind thing to say. A nice one to hear, too. I will fight, you know? I'll fight for as long as I can.
[Because he is defiant, and he'll always push himself to and beyond his limits in search of more than what he has. Affection, love, time, health. His fingers curl a little into the fabric of Jae-ha's shirt. A beat of silence passes.]
...There are people here from the world I know, but much farther into the future, long after I've died. I suppose you could say I'm a piece of history to them.
[Along with everything written out; all their victories and losses, all their triumphs and defeats, all of the suffering whittled down to pages of print in a book. The notion of reading it is more terrifying to him than the thought he might die here, honestly. It's an answer to Jae-ha's first question, in any case; no one told him. Not exactly.]
[A piece of history.... Jae-ha thinks about that, his expression contemplative for a moment, thinking about what it would be like to live in a world where someone could tell him how the future played out. He could learn how everything turned out ten years down the line - with simply a word as to who the ruling family is. He could learn what kind of world fell into shape after he passed.
... and he will most certainly pass. That is the one unshakeable fact that he can't dissuade himself from. The end will come.
But even if he heard what kind of future awaits him - ]
Do you think that future is set in stone? Do you think that your choices don't matter, and since that what you've been told will happen, that's what's going to happen?
[It still sounds a bit like a prophecy, doesn't it?
Isn't that what Jae-ha's always spent his life living in spite of?]
Kissing is a no-go considering he doesn't want anyone to die, but hugging is still fine. Rather than answer the question directly at first, Souji just shakes his head and steps forward, moving his arms so he can fold Jae-ha into them and rest his forehead against his chest.
His feelings are conflicted, largely due to Yasusada and what he'd heard about his sword's mission - to protect history as it happened. Yasusada had been so proud, even with everything he'd been through, everything to come on Souji's side of time. Would it be selfish, wanting to change that distant future for his own sake? Wanting to potentially alter or even destroy the happiness of people he'd never met and never would, just because in some strange butterfly effect, his death made their future possible? Probably.
He's a selfish person, though. Rotten to the core - someone who would surely jump at the chance to rid his body of the illness destroying it, if only he could have more time by the sides of his precious people.]
All I know how to do is fight.
[It's not self-deprecative, though. It's a simple statement, muffled slightly though it is, and an answer to those questions.
He knows he'll continue to fight. He just also knows he can't win against an illness with no cure.]
[It's far too easy to hug Souji - and his arms wrap around the other securely, holding him close as he lets his chin fall atop Souji's head as if it was a practiced motion. It's an idle, simple action simply meant to take up space and time as he presses his lips to the top of Souji's head too as he listens, and waits.]
... good. I think you're at your best when you're fighting.
[Now that he's seen it - because Jae-ha understands. Those passionate ideals that drive you to someone, that drive you toward a family that you chose for yourself, where you carved out a place and made a home where you got to belong. He'd worked himself ragged for people before, and he would do it again without question.]
Whether it's against the time limits that people tell you have, or a future that's been decided for you - I hope that you keep fighting.
[It's a little sad to realize how much he misses being held like this, even if it's easy to relax into Jae-ha's arms like he's someone Souji has known for years. He sighs a little when he hears the comment about his fighting, too - a sound that's somewhere between satisfaction and exhaustion. He thinks the same. A sword is good in battle; that's where it will always shine the most brightly, and that's why he wants to stay where the fighting is.
Jae-ha knows exactly what it's like.
(The others get it too, in their own ways. They would just prefer that he do what he can to prolong his own life, even if there's not much to a life that's bedbound.)
After a few seconds pass, he leans back enough to peer up at Jae-ha's face and smiles.]
I'm glad to know someone who understands how important those things are. Thank you, Jae-ha.
Is that something you really need to thank me for...?
[He hums quietly at that, even as he's content to just hold Souji close to him. When Souji leans back to peer up at him - Jae-ha laughs and leans in to press a brief kiss to Souji's cheek. Perhaps a bit closer to his mouth than he really needs to be, but that sure is just Jae-ha playing with fire.]
I'll tell you again any time that you need to hear it - I think your way of life is beautiful.
In any case, Souji just laughs, light and bell-like, and pulls his arms away to reach for Jae-ha's face again. This is a handsy man. All he does this time is briefly run his thumbs over the ridge of his cheekbones though, and then take a step back.]
You've said all that I should be saying to you, you know? This castle can be awful, but at least it brought me you.
[Souji is welcome to reach for Jae-ha's face - because Jae-ha's arms are still going to be securely wrapping around Souji instead of moving in that moment. He likes keeping them close together - there's enough warmth in it, and the familiar motion of holding someone smaller to him isn't bad either.
He'll let go when Souji steps back and not a second sooner.]
You could make a dragon blush with words like that, you know.
But - I am glad that I've gotten the chance to meet you too. I'll treasure all the time we get together.
[UNO MORE DAY. Souji will end up taking it for granted since he just expects Jae-ha to stick around forever, unbeatable dragon with an intense love of life that he is!! What a fool.]
I will, too.
[But he still beams anyway and it's still a genuine statement. He does cherish his time here, even if he may overestimate the amount that others have.
Either way, though he'd honestly still prefer to be resting in Jae-ha's arms like the affection-hungry fool he is, he'll take another step back and hold a hand out.]
Shall we? I think I'd like something warm to drink after that.
[Nothing like a good ol' cup of tea to soothe your existential crises.]
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no subject
Maybe he's a little envious.
There's a mildly inquisitive look as his face is guided straight again, and Jae-ha's forehead is probably a little cool compared to his own, considering his fever. But it's still nice. Solid. The words are sweet and kind and they make him smile, and he's bringing his hands up again, resting feather-light against the sides of Jae-ha's head.
Softly:]
I don't think it's what happens to me.
[He hasn't read the history books that he had brought along with him so many weeks ago. Hijikata had died just two days after he first found them, and the could never really rope up the courage he needed to check after that. But between what he knows about his own health and the things Yasusada had said, he can hazard a decent guess.]
But it's a nice dream to have. I'll make the most of what I have while I can, too.
[Even if that just means treasuring the things he's found and the people he loves right here, right now.]
no subject
[Jae-ha raises a brow at that - and his expression turns curious. Wondering. There's no hiding his surprise if only because - ] Who told you that...? Is it because of what that man said?
[The one in Souji's memory - the one who question what he'd be able to do with a body like that. Jae-ha thinks back on it and he contemplates. Souji had both his arms, he had both of his legs - he could have done plenty. Even in that hallway, he managed to do plenty. Making a difference for the people that you care about, even if you think they're small in the long run...]
I think I remember telling you once that I thought you possess the loyalty of dragons - but I never once thought that you'd be shackled to fate the same way that we are.
To be thinking so far ahead - as if something will happen to you, and you cannot escape it - maybe I'm telling you the wrong thing...
But I don't think someone as beautiful as you should pay attention to something as small and fickle as 'fate'. [He pulls one hand away from Souji's face, taking one of Souji's hands instead and bringing it over his own chest, with his heart beats steadily.] You and I are similar that way.
Each breath you take is already an act of defiance, and your heart obviously beats for something more than the time that you have.
If it's already like that, why put up the facade of bare minimum satisfaction?
no subject
Yamazaki-san is a fine doctor. He only worries as a doctor would.
[Honestly Yamazaki deserves a gotdam award for putting up with him. In any case, it's not that that's unnerved him, and he feels he'll continue to defy Yamazaki's well-intentioned orders until he's physically incapable of continuing to do so.
As his hand is moved and he can feel Jae-ha's heartbeat beneath his fingertips, he feels a little more at peace, somehow. There are certainly moments he hates this castle and hates being here. But he'd meant it when he said he doesn't regret it. Not if it brings him to people like this, who say they understand and truly, truly do.]
...It's a kind thing to say. A nice one to hear, too. I will fight, you know? I'll fight for as long as I can.
[Because he is defiant, and he'll always push himself to and beyond his limits in search of more than what he has. Affection, love, time, health. His fingers curl a little into the fabric of Jae-ha's shirt. A beat of silence passes.]
...There are people here from the world I know, but much farther into the future, long after I've died. I suppose you could say I'm a piece of history to them.
[Along with everything written out; all their victories and losses, all their triumphs and defeats, all of the suffering whittled down to pages of print in a book. The notion of reading it is more terrifying to him than the thought he might die here, honestly. It's an answer to Jae-ha's first question, in any case; no one told him. Not exactly.]
no subject
... and he will most certainly pass. That is the one unshakeable fact that he can't dissuade himself from. The end will come.
But even if he heard what kind of future awaits him - ]
Do you think that future is set in stone? Do you think that your choices don't matter, and since that what you've been told will happen, that's what's going to happen?
[It still sounds a bit like a prophecy, doesn't it?
Isn't that what Jae-ha's always spent his life living in spite of?]
no subject
Kissing is a no-go considering he doesn't want anyone to die, but hugging is still fine. Rather than answer the question directly at first, Souji just shakes his head and steps forward, moving his arms so he can fold Jae-ha into them and rest his forehead against his chest.
His feelings are conflicted, largely due to Yasusada and what he'd heard about his sword's mission - to protect history as it happened. Yasusada had been so proud, even with everything he'd been through, everything to come on Souji's side of time. Would it be selfish, wanting to change that distant future for his own sake? Wanting to potentially alter or even destroy the happiness of people he'd never met and never would, just because in some strange butterfly effect, his death made their future possible? Probably.
He's a selfish person, though. Rotten to the core - someone who would surely jump at the chance to rid his body of the illness destroying it, if only he could have more time by the sides of his precious people.]
All I know how to do is fight.
[It's not self-deprecative, though. It's a simple statement, muffled slightly though it is, and an answer to those questions.
He knows he'll continue to fight. He just also knows he can't win against an illness with no cure.]
no subject
... good. I think you're at your best when you're fighting.
[Now that he's seen it - because Jae-ha understands. Those passionate ideals that drive you to someone, that drive you toward a family that you chose for yourself, where you carved out a place and made a home where you got to belong. He'd worked himself ragged for people before, and he would do it again without question.]
Whether it's against the time limits that people tell you have, or a future that's been decided for you - I hope that you keep fighting.
no subject
Jae-ha knows exactly what it's like.
(The others get it too, in their own ways. They would just prefer that he do what he can to prolong his own life, even if there's not much to a life that's bedbound.)
After a few seconds pass, he leans back enough to peer up at Jae-ha's face and smiles.]
I'm glad to know someone who understands how important those things are. Thank you, Jae-ha.
[He will absolutely keep fighting.]
no subject
[He hums quietly at that, even as he's content to just hold Souji close to him. When Souji leans back to peer up at him - Jae-ha laughs and leans in to press a brief kiss to Souji's cheek. Perhaps a bit closer to his mouth than he really needs to be, but that sure is just Jae-ha playing with fire.]
I'll tell you again any time that you need to hear it - I think your way of life is beautiful.
Thank you for sharing it with me.
no subject
In any case, Souji just laughs, light and bell-like, and pulls his arms away to reach for Jae-ha's face again. This is a handsy man. All he does this time is briefly run his thumbs over the ridge of his cheekbones though, and then take a step back.]
You've said all that I should be saying to you, you know? This castle can be awful, but at least it brought me you.
no subject
He'll let go when Souji steps back and not a second sooner.]
You could make a dragon blush with words like that, you know.
But - I am glad that I've gotten the chance to meet you too. I'll treasure all the time we get together.
[so all the ones so far and then uno more day]
no subject
I will, too.
[But he still beams anyway and it's still a genuine statement. He does cherish his time here, even if he may overestimate the amount that others have.
Either way, though he'd honestly still prefer to be resting in Jae-ha's arms like the affection-hungry fool he is, he'll take another step back and hold a hand out.]
Shall we? I think I'd like something warm to drink after that.
[Nothing like a good ol' cup of tea to soothe your existential crises.]