alttitude | week 2, sunday

[Sandalphon finished his prayers last night, so he spends the next few hours in deafening silence. It isn't anything he's not used to: He spent two millennia in complete and utter darkness. This is nothing.

Visitors, though—that's new. His eyes flicker to Jae-ha.]

Why are you here?

It didn't seem right - to leave you here.

[His eyes flick over the cell - the darkness, the dampness, the emptiness - and he feels an old wound begin to ache.]

... not alone, anyway.

[And he first offers the mug of coffee through the bars.]

Here.

[He doesn't respond to that—not right away. Instead, he takes the mug into his hands and cradles it with relish. Coffee's always had such a sweet aroma.]

There was no need for you to come. I'm used to this manner of imprisonment.

[ . . . right.

Jae-ha will offer the plate of food out next - he'd been careful to choose a bowl that could fit through the bars.]

...

So was I.

[ . . . ]

Maybe that's why I'm so mad at you.

I can't remember the last time I felt so childish.

[Ah, he thinks as he gazes upon the food—even now, the hunger is real. He looks, but doesn't reach out for the plate yet.

His tone is casual, as if he were discussing the weather.]

How did anyone manage to capture a dragon?

By never letting him know what the outside world holds.

[He continues to hold out the bowl. He can wait.]

Green dragons will reach for the sky no matter what they do - it's in their blood. But they can cause trouble for humans, when other people want their powers.

So each green dragon is chained down from birth, locked away, and told to never search for more, because there would be nothing in the world for them.

[It's only after Jae-ha has finished speaking that Sandalphon reaches out to grip the bowl by the side. His reply, though frank, comes after carefully soaking in the details.]

But you escaped.

I did. After twelve years.

And so many escape attempts that I lost count.

So you were always stubborn.

I was.

[ . . . and Jae-ha will let his hand rest against the bars of the cell.]

... normally I don't care to lecture, or want to pretend that my way of life is the correct one.

But I wanted you to be stubborn too.

I don't even know if I should apologize to you or not - and for that uncertainty.... I'm sorry.

Save your apology.

[He did nothing to earn it. He sets the bowl down in front of him and takes up the mug of coffee again. Then he huffs with a tender, deprecatory smile.]

I've always been a disappointment. I should be the one to apologize.

—but when you say things like that, I just get angrier.

[At least he's honest about it.]

I wasn't disappointed when we were cooking together, you know.

When you told me about yourself - I was curious, and I was unhappy about what I heard, but it wasn't disappointment in you.

Then you're a fool.

[Even during cooking, he messed up. Sandalphon can't do anything right.]

This wasn't my first attempt at taking another's life. I tried numerous times, and not just with murder. I betrayed the trust of the only person who had faith in me.

There's no way around it. I am completely inadequate.

But were you born that way?

Or did you become that way - because you believed everything that you were told?

[Jae-ha had heard it all. He'd never find anything outside the village. No one would ever accept him. The only things that he would know for his entire life would be chains, servitude, and waiting.]

I think it's the latter.

I thought - if you changed your mind, if you thought that there could be something more for you....

[Maybe this would have turned out differently.]

[This again. Sandalphon stares down at the bowl of food, past the rim of the mug in his grasp. More than ever, he feels so much less like a proud archangel and more like a shadow of a creature.]

What difference does it make now? The decision has been made. Tomorrow, my wretched existence shall be put to an end.

[Without an ounce of closure. Just the way he deserves.]

.... I don't know what happens to people after they go.

[Do they go to the heavens - do they join the dragon gods? Is there truly something more for them?]

But when you do - and if you end up somewhere else - I have a request.

If you insist that you're so disappointing, then it can't hurt to try.

I was made—a tool who just happened to possess self-awareness upon its creation. If there's an afterlife, I surely won't be welcome.

[But Jae-ha is right. He can expect the worst and he wouldn't be wrong.]

. . . What is your request?

[ . . . Jae-ha lets his fingers grip against the bars of the dungeon then as he meets Sandalphon's eyes.]

... get out. Wherever you go next, don't let yourself be confined. Break your cage and everything you know, and see what life has to offer when you're not trying to take things from others, or cut your own time short.

I wonder...

What kind of beautiful thing will you find then?

[Their eyes meet, and Sandalphon takes that moment to wonder, sincerely, what he might find if Jae-ha proves to be correct. It's a frightening, foreign idea; but it isn't like he has any that's better. So he gives a slight nod.]

All right. Then I have a request for you, as well.

[Jae-ha just snorts faintly at that - ]

I'm listening.

[What can he do for a dead man walking?]

You aren't his partner, but I want you to look after Ion when it's within your means.

[For someone like Jae-ha, that's probably a given. Thus, for someone like Jae-ha, a request should amplify that instinct.]

[ . . . hah.]

He doesn't make it easy.

But you did it all for him, didn't you? Well - a lot of it was for you... but he was never meant to get caught in the crossfire. Something like that?

... I don't want your efforts to go to waste, even if I still don't agree with what you did.

[I don't want your death to be in vain.]

I'll do what I can.

Something like that, yes. I never intended to survive this farce. My partner could have been anyone, and my actions would have remained the same.

[Sandalphon smiles. For this, he'll give the whole truth: Jae-ha deserves that much.]

However . . . as the days passed by us, and the more he spoke those purehearted words to me . . . I realized that, more than my punishment, I wanted him to live.

Compared to the rest of us, he's but a newborn. He tries to do everything on his own, but he could use the help of those around him—should he survive the execution. [He pauses.] Thank you.

[ . . . . hah. Jae-ha just laughs at that, even if it lacks any true trace of joy.]

.... you couldn't spare some of that for yourself, could you? To me, the two of you are similar. You don't get to know very much about the rest of the world at all... He's just more excited to learn than you are.

Take a page from his book.

... though regardless, I'll do as you ask.

[He acknowledges that they're similar—but the differences set them completely apart, he thinks.

Satisfied with Jae-ha's answer, Sandalphon takes a sip of coffee, then reaches for the bowl of food next. The silence doesn't bother him.]

week 2, sunday

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