but Jae-ha will nonetheless go to sit on the bed. Sousei can probably feel the hesitance, the way he doesn't even want to acknowledge what happened but.
Finally:]
... Cardia told me she thinks she loves me today.
[And there it is - the renewal of the same painful ache.]
Right - she's amazing, beautiful, kind, strong-willed... she's going to make someone very happy, but it's best if she's made happy in turn. I'm a terrible first love.
[SO BAD]
I'd rather not lie and say that I feel the same.... that would be even worse.
[But still, he shakes his head.]
Though I shouldn't have let it get this far in the first place.
I hold myself to my own standards of beauty - no more, no less. But... that's hardly landed me in situations like this before.
[He's so used to being rebuffed - or having people who will only have an interest in him as a passing fancy. It occurs to him that maybe it's just a crush and she's misunderstanding her feelings - but he doesn't pursue the thought too far, wondering if it's offensive to her to not take her seriously.]
Regardless... you're right. She'll get over this in time.
[Jae-ha's not someone worth dedicating much time to, after all.]
This entire situation is a terrible way to learn and grow.
[Murder, Jae-ha, remember.]
And yet nonetheless, she is learning. There is no need to stew in guilt over her feelings. Should you have cut it off earlier? Perhaps, had you realized, and not been distracted by this entire situation.
You're so cold. I realize all this - but it's still unfortunate. Her feelings didn't need to be hurt any more than this game has already trampled over them. She should've had a proper chance to learn love, rather than being burned at her very first try.
At the end of the day - I hurt a young lady who deserved better.
[just. not immediately. because no one else is giving him enough grief for the mistake that he made, and so he thinks he ought to dwell on it himself until he feels like it's appropriate punishment
but regardless he'll wave a hand and then move to sit on the bed]
Go to sleep if you don't want to endure my feelings. I already said I'd take the first watch.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Look, he's not going to pretend like he didn't feel that... he sure did.....
So fess up, Jae-ha.]
no subject
And if I said I don't want to talk about it?
[because like
he doesn't]
no subject
[So like.
Suck it up.]
no subject
but Jae-ha will nonetheless go to sit on the bed. Sousei can probably feel the hesitance, the way he doesn't even want to acknowledge what happened but.
Finally:]
... Cardia told me she thinks she loves me today.
[And there it is - the renewal of the same painful ache.]
no subject
Ah..]
...So that is what it is.
[...]
And you do not care for her in that way back? [You literally made out with this man, Sousei, why are you asking this.]
no subject
Jae-ha just sort of stares blankly.]
Of all the things I've told you about my life, which of them sound conducive to a long-term, romantic relationship with a sweet girl like Cardia?
[like
not even counting the fact that yeah they made out]
no subject
That's why he was asking.]
I see. So that is what you are concerned with. [Contemplatively:]
You cannot give her what you believe she deserves, is that correct?
no subject
[SO BAD]
I'd rather not lie and say that I feel the same.... that would be even worse.
[But still, he shakes his head.]
Though I shouldn't have let it get this far in the first place.
no subject
Honestly, yes, that is likely a fact. Though I believe you are unaware of the effect you have on many people.
[With the flirting and the generosity and that shit that Sousei doesn't tend to buy into personally.]
Still... she will recover. She is a strong girl.
no subject
[He's so used to being rebuffed - or having people who will only have an interest in him as a passing fancy. It occurs to him that maybe it's just a crush and she's misunderstanding her feelings - but he doesn't pursue the thought too far, wondering if it's offensive to her to not take her seriously.]
Regardless... you're right. She'll get over this in time.
[Jae-ha's not someone worth dedicating much time to, after all.]
no subject
But.
Sousei is nodding anyway, because:]
She is very inexperienced with her emotions. She has told me so herself--her situation did not lend itself to her discovering how to cope with them.
It is unsurprising that she did not know how to deal with infatuation, when she has hardly even dealt with happiness and sadness.
no subject
... what a terrible way to learn.
no subject
[Murder, Jae-ha, remember.]
And yet nonetheless, she is learning. There is no need to stew in guilt over her feelings. Should you have cut it off earlier? Perhaps, had you realized, and not been distracted by this entire situation.
[MURDER, JAE-HA.]
What's done is done.
[Quite...frankly...]
And now she is learning from this, as well.
no subject
You're so cold. I realize all this - but it's still unfortunate. Her feelings didn't need to be hurt any more than this game has already trampled over them. She should've had a proper chance to learn love, rather than being burned at her very first try.
At the end of the day - I hurt a young lady who deserved better.
I ended up breaking one of my own principles.
no subject
Very well then. Be better from here.
[A quirked eyebrow.]
Do not hurt anyone else, and we will work to make certain that Cardia still is given a chance to learn love.
[When they make sure everyone gets out of here alive.]
no subject
It's mostly exhausting because I agree with you everywhere so I can't even find a place to argue that wouldn't be insincere and a waste of time.
But you're also absolutely horrifying at comfort.
no subject
[An arched eyebrow!]
Would you rather I offer useless platitudes that you do not agree with? You are too intelligent for that.
no subject
[because he sure is still left here with his uncomfortable, swirling feelings]
no subject
[Sousei definitely is just quirking an eyebrow at that further.]
I would think you're capable of that much.
[He says these things only because he has...really high expectations of Jae-ha...]
no subject
[just. not immediately. because no one else is giving him enough grief for the mistake that he made, and so he thinks he ought to dwell on it himself until he feels like it's appropriate punishment
but regardless he'll wave a hand and then move to sit on the bed]
Go to sleep if you don't want to endure my feelings. I already said I'd take the first watch.
no subject
[Hmmm!!!]
Very well then.
If that is what you would prefer to do, I will not stop you from dwelling on it.
[He doesn't think it's sensible, but he can't really say that he's never done that either.]
no subject
... a few more hours, and then I'll stop.
[He thinks he should endure just a little bit more, seeing as absolutely no one's blaming him for what he did.]
no subject
[He accepts this.]
Wake me when it is time for my watch.
[He accepts this, as Jae-ha's attempt to repent, even if he doesn't think it's strictly necessary.]