Excuses are only given reasons that people deem to not be good enough, and I wonder if you're looking at yourself with a harsher standard than most.
No one here deserves to face this reality when they aren't familiar with it already - none of you come from wars, from battlefields - but people have killed for far smaller reasons than the ones that have been considered as possibilities here.
[It's hardly fair - but Jae-ha doesn't believe that an intense self-condemnation will help much of anything at the moment. As for Eichi's other question - ]
... do you believe Akechi made a choice?
[Jae-ha won't let his own personal feelings muddle his question, not when he's so focused on Eichi and trying to work through the convoluted maze of emotion he must be feeling.]
What a difficult question. [He sighs, and it's heavier than usual, an attempt at breathing normally just as much as everything else.]
I believe that every action is a choice, but that choices can be forced. Shoved into a game like this, someone has to kill, and if they refuse, won't it be their blood? Something like that is all I can think.
[BLUNTLY.] The idea of choice, is it... I intend to speak to him once he wakes up, but I can't blame anyone who kills in this place. Not in this situation.
Selfishly, I'm also worried that I'll end up alone, or hated.
... everyone in this place is rather painfully kind. I don't know if that will happen. There are people here who, even with the way that he didn't do himself many favors, still feel compassion for your partner after all.
It's hard to know without testing their patience but - I can't help but think that you won't be disappointed, if you seek comfort from others.
[To which part of that, he doesn't clarify, but it leaves him thoughtful all the same. He's got a sheepish smile on, barely, like it might be less concerning, and he's thinking thinking thinking.]
I'd prefer not to be a burden, but I'd like to reach out, if I can. I'm torn between caution and care. Are there people that you trust here?
It may sound foolish, given the way I was so easily blinded the first week but.... I believe that not trusting anyone will only make my experience here that much harder.
It's no hard feelings, but trust is an awfully strong word in a game like this.
[And it's not as though Jae-ha will actually do anything to the people that Eichi trusts but - well, he's not the type to give information about himself without getting at least a little bit in return.
He's a trustworthy person, isn't he? You can't use that name back, since I'd like to learn about people who are trustworthy, but I'd like to hear someone you trust now.
[Of course he does.] Ah... Sousei-kun is a good choice. It's good that you can trust your partner, isn't it? For the record, I also trust him, I believe, though I'll have to choose a different name by my own rules.
So... Natsuo-kun. ♪
[This is helping him a lot more than dwelling on thoughts from actual murder, so he finally moves to take that stew. He doesn't want it to go to waste... He still feels like he might be sick if he tries, but if he goes slow, it's important to get food in him, right?]
But it's good that he's eating - Jae-ha doesn't draw attention on it, instead agreeing to Eichi's game. As Eichi eats, he might notice that there are some faint flavors that taste a little bit like Sanji's cooking, though not quite as skilled. Jae-ha's been watching him quietly over the past few nights.]
I suppose it's hard to distrust someone that loud and reckless.
[lmao]
The lovely Miss Cardia also - she's quite sincere.
[He's playing his honesty carefully, since he's trying to appear like a naive, sickly boy who thinks he knows better and might not— but he's quite familiar with trying to read people, at least. Some are difficult, anomalies, but others are simple... And Jae-Ha is sort of in the center.
Eichi just smiles simply down at the stew.]
There's nothing to gain in being friendly with me, but you've consistently shown concern. If you had ignored me until this moment, only to bring me stew when I did such a horrible thing in front of everyone, I'd be worried... but on the first day we met, before we knew a thing about what was going on, you offered me your blankets.
I suppose, to me, that stood out. You probably don't think much of it, though.
Well, he's not wrong. Jae-ha doesn't think much of that moment at all.]
You're ill - and it's only natural to make sure to take care that you don't succumb to sickness before we figure out a way to get everyone out of here. I'd say the same to anyone else here who's not in good health. [ . . . ] You should be more mindful of the ways in which people might take advantage of your nature.
['You trusted me too easily,' he says, in essence.]
I don't plan on letting anything happen to you - Sousei and Sanji would both shove me into hell themselves - but your standards for trust can stand to be a little more stringent here.
Fufu... I'm being scolded? That also reveals your nature, you know.
[He'd swear on his gut feeling! But it's true that Jae-Ha is on the fence, since he hasn't spoken too deeply with him. Hmm.]
There was a time when I trusted no one but myself, you know? There were those beside me that I'd speak to, a childhood friend who cared, an enemy I admired more than anything else, and someone quite useful who fell into my lap... but I was foolish in how I disregarded them.
Caution is important, but so is trust. Seeing as I'm not the active sort of person to go out and physically help someone, then by opening my heart to others, even just a small bit like this, I believe I can make connections.
At the very least, even if I wind up dead, perhaps it will be with the fulfillment of having friends unlike I ever could.
It's not that I'd discourage making connections and you've chosen a good set of people to trust, so perhaps it's not even meant to be an issue -
[ . . . . ]
But of those connections you make, if you end up casually speaking about your death, it could upset them. The people here are kind, and I don't think that you'll find trouble if you truly reach out your hand to those that have earned your trust and you'll find that they'll meet you halfway.
But no one would want to see anything happen to you.
[It's how he deals with this fact about himself, anyway, and he's not so sure he can change it. Maybe he can try to catch himself, but he barely notices... They just slip out.]
Still, I believe I understand what you're saying. I've been cautious with my words, or so I thought, but the truth is that I've still been foolishly hoping I could be just like any other high school boy, having fun and caring little about anything else.
But this is life or death, isn't it? I suppose for most people, that's a big deal. I'll try to remember it, since it's true that I don't want to die just yet.
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No one here deserves to face this reality when they aren't familiar with it already - none of you come from wars, from battlefields - but people have killed for far smaller reasons than the ones that have been considered as possibilities here.
[It's hardly fair - but Jae-ha doesn't believe that an intense self-condemnation will help much of anything at the moment. As for Eichi's other question - ]
... do you believe Akechi made a choice?
[Jae-ha won't let his own personal feelings muddle his question, not when he's so focused on Eichi and trying to work through the convoluted maze of emotion he must be feeling.]
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I believe that every action is a choice, but that choices can be forced. Shoved into a game like this, someone has to kill, and if they refuse, won't it be their blood? Something like that is all I can think.
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It's the nature of battle.
[Kill or be killed - and it fits the theme of a war, as all things currently stand.]
... and afterward? Everything else he was accused of - [calling Ann a liar, planting evidence, what have you] - what do you make of that?
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Isn't that just a desperate child trying to fight to stay alive?
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[ . . . that said.]
I don't disagree. I think it might not have been a very beautiful thing to do - but desperation is very rarely lovely.
But I believe the idea of choice is why people remain more outwardly concerned about you, than him.
[Even if Jae-ha is worried over both, Eichi is a bit... easier to approach, for the time being.]
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[BLUNTLY.] The idea of choice, is it... I intend to speak to him once he wakes up, but I can't blame anyone who kills in this place. Not in this situation.
Selfishly, I'm also worried that I'll end up alone, or hated.
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It's hard to know without testing their patience but - I can't help but think that you won't be disappointed, if you seek comfort from others.
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[To which part of that, he doesn't clarify, but it leaves him thoughtful all the same. He's got a sheepish smile on, barely, like it might be less concerning, and he's thinking thinking thinking.]
I'd prefer not to be a burden, but I'd like to reach out, if I can. I'm torn between caution and care. Are there people that you trust here?
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[There's a slight laugh.]
It may sound foolish, given the way I was so easily blinded the first week but.... I believe that not trusting anyone will only make my experience here that much harder.
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Let's trade. A name for a name. The same conditions.
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[It's fair, though, he's digging to know who trusts who. Ah, well...]
Then, shall I go first to put you at ease? Sanji-kun is someone I trust dearly.
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[And it's not as though Jae-ha will actually do anything to the people that Eichi trusts but - well, he's not the type to give information about himself without getting at least a little bit in return.
That said.
The actual name makes him laugh.]
Oh, that doesn't surprise me at all.
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[GIVE IT OVER]
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[JEEZE.]
Then for me, it's Sousei.
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[Of course he does.] Ah... Sousei-kun is a good choice. It's good that you can trust your partner, isn't it? For the record, I also trust him, I believe, though I'll have to choose a different name by my own rules.
So... Natsuo-kun. ♪
[This is helping him a lot more than dwelling on thoughts from actual murder, so he finally moves to take that stew. He doesn't want it to go to waste... He still feels like he might be sick if he tries, but if he goes slow, it's important to get food in him, right?]
no subject
But it's good that he's eating - Jae-ha doesn't draw attention on it, instead agreeing to Eichi's game. As Eichi eats, he might notice that there are some faint flavors that taste a little bit like Sanji's cooking, though not quite as skilled. Jae-ha's been watching him quietly over the past few nights.]
I suppose it's hard to distrust someone that loud and reckless.
[lmao]
The lovely Miss Cardia also - she's quite sincere.
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That's it exactly. ♪ [Loud and reckless, easy to read! It's easy to trust.] Ah... Cardia-chan does seem sweet.
[He pauses now, having another spoon of stew before he just stirs it around, thinking. Trust is hard to just hand out, you know...?]
I feel as though I'm getting to a point where I'll lose this game. [It's not a competition?] I also trust you.
[1/2]
Unexpected.]
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A good choice.
But now I'm curious -
Why?
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Eichi just smiles simply down at the stew.]
There's nothing to gain in being friendly with me, but you've consistently shown concern. If you had ignored me until this moment, only to bring me stew when I did such a horrible thing in front of everyone, I'd be worried... but on the first day we met, before we knew a thing about what was going on, you offered me your blankets.
I suppose, to me, that stood out. You probably don't think much of it, though.
no subject
Well, he's not wrong. Jae-ha doesn't think much of that moment at all.]
You're ill - and it's only natural to make sure to take care that you don't succumb to sickness before we figure out a way to get everyone out of here. I'd say the same to anyone else here who's not in good health. [ . . . ] You should be more mindful of the ways in which people might take advantage of your nature.
['You trusted me too easily,' he says, in essence.]
I don't plan on letting anything happen to you - Sousei and Sanji would both shove me into hell themselves - but your standards for trust can stand to be a little more stringent here.
no subject
[He'd swear on his gut feeling! But it's true that Jae-Ha is on the fence, since he hasn't spoken too deeply with him. Hmm.]
There was a time when I trusted no one but myself, you know? There were those beside me that I'd speak to, a childhood friend who cared, an enemy I admired more than anything else, and someone quite useful who fell into my lap... but I was foolish in how I disregarded them.
Caution is important, but so is trust. Seeing as I'm not the active sort of person to go out and physically help someone, then by opening my heart to others, even just a small bit like this, I believe I can make connections.
At the very least, even if I wind up dead, perhaps it will be with the fulfillment of having friends unlike I ever could.
no subject
[ . . . . ]
But of those connections you make, if you end up casually speaking about your death, it could upset them. The people here are kind, and I don't think that you'll find trouble if you truly reach out your hand to those that have earned your trust and you'll find that they'll meet you halfway.
But no one would want to see anything happen to you.
So finding that balance is still important.
no subject
[It's how he deals with this fact about himself, anyway, and he's not so sure he can change it. Maybe he can try to catch himself, but he barely notices... They just slip out.]
Still, I believe I understand what you're saying. I've been cautious with my words, or so I thought, but the truth is that I've still been foolishly hoping I could be just like any other high school boy, having fun and caring little about anything else.
But this is life or death, isn't it? I suppose for most people, that's a big deal. I'll try to remember it, since it's true that I don't want to die just yet.