... do you think he would've been disappointed if you didn't matter to him?
[Maybe he's not meant to ask questions here, but he means to, because he asks questions about things that don't make sense to him. That make him want to further pursue answers.
Because when there are things he doesn't understand... he wonders if there's something warped in the telling of the story.]
[ It's not a question he wants to answer— Jae-ha pries the wound open with his bare hands and reminds Zelos that blood still pulses beneath the surface of his skin (that he is alive, even though he's made the choice not to be).
But he knows at this juncture it's too late to run or deflect. Jae-ha has him trapped. There is a small part of him that hates him for that, and the only thing that surprises Zelos is that that part isn't bigger than it is. ]
Who knows, maybe I did matter, maybe I didn't. But at the end of the day I didn't matter to him the way he mattered to me. He didn't trust me the way I trusted him.
Jae-ha listens, and he thinks about his words. He thinks about a girl that he's chosen to follow, who he knows would give his life up for him if she had to, because she cares that much. He thinks about how he wouldn't want her to, because she has to be devoted to be something so much bigger than him.
But he thinks about that nagging feeling, under his skin, when she doesn't look at him the same way she looks at other people.
The way that he wants her to notice him.
The way he notices her.]
... I'm sorry that you had to go through that - and that you felt like you didn't have any other choice.
[ . . . ] Don't mistake what I'm saying for agreement, or that I think you did the right thing -
... but I guess the burn's a little too familiar for me to think you're evil for it.
[ It's said with a smile, and oddly enough it carries just as much mirth as it does self-pitying sadness. He picks up the empty piece of paper in his lap, waving it with feigned enthusiasm. ]
Don't even know if these owls can carry letters that far, but I've been thinking about what to say to him anyway. For a guy that never shuts up though.. well, the words just don't come no matter how hard I try. After all, what do you say after asking the only person who's ever made you feel alive to kill you?
[ because he has no intention of being awoken from his grave once again when this is over. he’d made a choice, and even if it was in an attempt to run from the consequences of his cowardice, it was still his choice. ]
Though if I’m being honest, I was dead even before that. My body just finally matched the rest of me.
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[Maybe he's not meant to ask questions here, but he means to, because he asks questions about things that don't make sense to him. That make him want to further pursue answers.
Because when there are things he doesn't understand... he wonders if there's something warped in the telling of the story.]
no subject
But he knows at this juncture it's too late to run or deflect. Jae-ha has him trapped. There is a small part of him that hates him for that, and the only thing that surprises Zelos is that that part isn't bigger than it is. ]
Who knows, maybe I did matter, maybe I didn't. But at the end of the day I didn't matter to him the way he mattered to me. He didn't trust me the way I trusted him.
no subject
Jae-ha listens, and he thinks about his words. He thinks about a girl that he's chosen to follow, who he knows would give his life up for him if she had to, because she cares that much. He thinks about how he wouldn't want her to, because she has to be devoted to be something so much bigger than him.
But he thinks about that nagging feeling, under his skin, when she doesn't look at him the same way she looks at other people.
The way that he wants her to notice him.
The way he notices her.]
... I'm sorry that you had to go through that - and that you felt like you didn't have any other choice.
[ . . . ] Don't mistake what I'm saying for agreement, or that I think you did the right thing -
... but I guess the burn's a little too familiar for me to think you're evil for it.
no subject
[ It's said with a smile, and oddly enough it carries just as much mirth as it does self-pitying sadness. He picks up the empty piece of paper in his lap, waving it with feigned enthusiasm. ]
Don't even know if these owls can carry letters that far, but I've been thinking about what to say to him anyway. For a guy that never shuts up though.. well, the words just don't come no matter how hard I try. After all, what do you say after asking the only person who's ever made you feel alive to kill you?
no subject
Jae-ha's response takes a long second, expression unreadable aside from the slight raise of his brows.]
Is that the end of that story?
[He wonders if he should be surprised.]
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[ because he has no intention of being awoken from his grave once again when this is over. he’d made a choice, and even if it was in an attempt to run from the consequences of his cowardice, it was still his choice. ]
Though if I’m being honest, I was dead even before that. My body just finally matched the rest of me.