... someone told him that he was just a pawn, meant to be discarded. For years, he endured that, from someone that he loved. [It's Sandalphon's business but - he trusts Sanji not to blab. It doesn't even matter now, does it? It's just... a story now.] And he believed it.
[He ends up glad when they start to descend because there's the slight tension in Jae-ha's hands, like he wants to grip onto something. He doesn't actually hold any tighter onto Sanji, but it's the smallest tell of his agitation.]
He did terrible things, too.
... but maybe it all could've been avoided, if his freedom was never taken from him in the first place. If he wanted to do something else with what he's capable of.
[This time, when they land, Jae-ha moves to put Sanji down - and turns away, flicking his hair over his shoulder irritatedly.]
... well, he didn't tell me he was in love.
But I wondered - how could you hang onto someone's word like that? How can you have so much faith in them - and be so angry with them at the same time? That type of complicated feeling...
[Not the kind Sandalphon deserved to get saddle with. Feeling a bit tired, Sanji stretches his legs a little, cracks his neck]
But maybe it's not my place to say. He was so damn certain he was doing the right thing, giving up... and we let him because are hands were tied --- and it was convenient.
[Sanji won't make excuses for himself. He picked Sandalphon's name, because it was going to save Ion. He'll live with that sin if he's gotta]
It was. It was so simple, to let him get what he wanted. And people will commend him, and tell him that he did the right thing for choosing to give up his life so that others could survive.
[It's obvious by Jae-ha's tone that he disagrees.]
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... I don't know. Maybe I'll finish up when the urge to scream dies down a little bit more?
[For most people, he's avoided the subject. He's talked about it in circles, from a distance - but given that it's Sanji...
He can open up a little bit more about his personal feelings on it.
The way that he feels a knife in his gut every time he thinks of the trial.]
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[Just humming along like they're talking about the weather. It's easier that way, isn't it.]
... 'Cause of Sandalphon?
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Mm. I voted for Fitzgerald instead.
Even though it's what Sandalphon wanted, even if he wanted to be executed.... or maybe especially because of that?
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[Sanji... sees it a bit differently, but he can at least understand. Jae-Ha had made his feelings somewhat clear during the trial's end]
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[He ends up glad when they start to descend because there's the slight tension in Jae-ha's hands, like he wants to grip onto something. He doesn't actually hold any tighter onto Sanji, but it's the smallest tell of his agitation.]
He did terrible things, too.
... but maybe it all could've been avoided, if his freedom was never taken from him in the first place. If he wanted to do something else with what he's capable of.
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Suddenly makes perfect sense why Ion and Sandalphon were partners in the first place. Sanji lowers his eyes, and makes no mention of Jae-Ha's hands.]
Yeah, maybe.
[Too bad a "maybe" doesn't get you far in this life. You work with the hand you're dealt with... that's just how Sanji sees the world]
I wondered why he was so damn certain his life didn't have value.
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... well, he didn't tell me he was in love.
But I wondered - how could you hang onto someone's word like that? How can you have so much faith in them - and be so angry with them at the same time? That type of complicated feeling...
It sounds like something impossible to explain.
'Love' was the closest word I had.
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"Love", yeah, but not the best kind.
[Not the kind Sandalphon deserved to get saddle with. Feeling a bit tired, Sanji stretches his legs a little, cracks his neck]
But maybe it's not my place to say. He was so damn certain he was doing the right thing, giving up... and we let him because are hands were tied --- and it was convenient.
[Sanji won't make excuses for himself. He picked Sandalphon's name, because it was going to save Ion. He'll live with that sin if he's gotta]
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It was. It was so simple, to let him get what he wanted. And people will commend him, and tell him that he did the right thing for choosing to give up his life so that others could survive.
[It's obvious by Jae-ha's tone that he disagrees.]
... we really used him like a pawn.
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We did, Tiger-sama and Dragon-sama did.
[The world did]
... But regardless, it was the choice he made, so I'll respect it.
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[Because Jae-ha can't bring himself to. He accepts it, he has to - but he can't quite bring himself to be at peace with it.]
I know my feelings on it are childish - too demanding to make sense... and yet....
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You don't have to explain.
[Sanji makes zero effort to explain himself further, but his expression draws tight for a second before he breathes, slowly.]
... I couldn't do much besides teach Ion how to make coffee and hope that... maybe the kid would reach him a little, before the end.
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If anyone could do it, it'd probably be him.
Nothing I said worked.
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[A small joke, then a pause.]
Don't beat yourself up for not reaching him.
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Me? Why would I do something like that? Some people just won't find anything they'd like to hear.
[He's
totally beating himself up
it's a little too late to pretend otherwise, but he'll still try]
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[Jae-Ha is so full of shit, but Sanji decides since they both know this is the truth, he won't needle the poor guy.]
Well, much as I'd like to take another trip into the sky...
[He lifts his chin, glancing up at some straying clouds]
You gonna be hungry later? [His lips quirk]
I'll save you something in the event you can't fly free. Not much, but at least you'll eat well while we're stuck here.
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.... you sure you're in condition to be standing for that long? I can't imagine you're fully healed.
I'll be inside to check on you in a bit.
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...
But I'll be in the kitchen whenever you get inside.