[By now, Evan has had a while to take everything in. That doesn't mean he's calm, of course, but it does mean he isn't actively panicking the way he was several hours earlier. Instead, he just seems... upset. Whenever he sees someone he tries to escape notice, making himself smaller or turning away.
That doesn't work with Jae-Ha, though, who notices him first. He flinches at the touch despite himself, taking an instinctive step back, before he realizes who it is. Once he does, he freezes in place. It's almost like he doesn't hear what Jae-Ha is saying or notice the way he holds his arms open, because he doesn't make a move towards him. All that comes out of his mouth after a tense moment is the following, rushing out in a jumble.]
—I'm sorry. I, I'm sorry, I didn't... I'm sorry, I tried my best, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I should have been more careful, I...
[He... might be crying a little, suddenly. Troublesome indeed.]
[He's such a pain.... not that Jae-ha doesn't get it. His expression falls a little bit when he sees how immediately he crumbles, and he shakes his head quietly. If Evan won't come closer, that's fine. As long as he's not running away, Jae-ha doesn't have any problem being the one to reach out.
So he reaches out to just wrap his arms around Evan, pulling him closer for a hug.]
Who are you apologizing to...
I know you did your best. I know, I know. It's okay. You can cry. It's just me.
[He doesn't resist as Jae-Ha moves closer to hold him; the older man will be able to feel him trembling as soon as he does. While Evan tries to hold himself together as this happens, that only really lasts until he hears that offer. The motion is a bit stunted, but he brings his hands up to his face as he realizes he can't stop the tears from falling, shaking his head.
It's a little hard to speak through the sudden thickness in his throat, but he keeps going regardless.]
I, I promised. I promised, I promised, I want to go back, I promised that I wouldn't, that I wouldn't do this, I promised. I-I'm such an idiot, I...
Jae-ha is reminded of that clearly in this moment as he lets Evan cry on him, doesn't worry about the way that he breaks down, and only holds him as if he's just trying to keep all his pieces together until he's able to find the strength to do it himself. He's so... so young, and he didn't deserve this.
He didn't deserve what happened to him.]
... I know. I believe you. You're not an idiot.
[Soft affirmation after soft affirmation - it's okay if Evan needs to cry, if he needs to work out all of his sadness here.]
It's not over... Whoever you broke your promise to - we'll get you back to them so you can apologize. This isn't the end.
I told them, told them I'd, I'd be there to help bring, bring everyone back, I said...
[He cuts off to try and take a labored breath, rubbing his hand over his face rapidly to try and clear away some of the falling tears. The reminder does help a bit. His desperation loses some of the intensity it's built up, and a softer tone of regret replaces it in his voice.]
I, I thought, I thought I could do better, I... I shouldn't have, have trusted him, I shouldn't have. I'm sorry.
[Jae-ha considers that - and tries to put it together with what he knows from the trial. Varian and Akechi killed Evan. They did that to him. They'd said that Evan wasn't lured out there with a note - and he might've been drowned instead. He places the pieces together...
And shakes his head quietly. He pulls back - not enough to pull away from the hug, though. One arm remains around Evan, his other hand coming to try to brush away at the falling tears.]
... you did the best you could, didn't you? Against an idiot like that...
You don't need to apologize for trying to do what you thought was right. Not to me, at least.
[It helps to hear, just like everything else that Jae-Ha's said. He doesn't pull away as he touches his face, even though he blinks a few times to attempt to stop any more tears from falling. One final time, reflexive rather than just sorrowful:]
[Confident as anything. Jae-ha tilts his head and offers a smile at that even as he offers a smile. It's sincere, but clearly more encouraging than inherently joyful.]
It's not over. Not at all.
As long as we still have legs to walk on, and ways to move forward, we're not going to give up - right?
[He pauses for a moment, blinking a few more times, before something that Jae-Ha's said reminds him of a crucial fact.]
—You're here, too. [Which is obvious, of course he's known that for a while, but--] What, what happened to you? We never found out who... did that to your leg.
[Though he can't say it's better that more people are here, considering... everything. He doesn't pull away while Jae-Ha keeps his arm around him, walking with him.]
... don't mistake it for forgiveness, I guess. I'm still mad. I'll probably be angry until I get to punch him in the face just once. I already got the other one.
[He'll be vague for a little longer, I guess.]
But.. well, there are reasons behind those types of things, right? I couldn't find them at first, and that was more frustrating than anything.
But it's a war - people make choices because they think that's what they have to do or what they should do at the time, because they have other things they want to protect. If I think about it like that... I can't stay angry.
You can't kill what you can't catch. I was confident that no one would be able to keep up with me, as long as I had my leg, and thus I was safe. So the ways to catch me are pretty clear - lure me into space where I can't find traction to jump, or get rid of my dragon leg.
[ . . . ]
It's brutal, but it's true. I wouldn't have gone down any other way.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 6, sunday
Rather, when Evan is wandering the graveyard, Jae-ha will just tap him on the shoulder.
And quietly open his arms.]
... hey, troublesome little brother.
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That doesn't work with Jae-Ha, though, who notices him first. He flinches at the touch despite himself, taking an instinctive step back, before he realizes who it is. Once he does, he freezes in place. It's almost like he doesn't hear what Jae-Ha is saying or notice the way he holds his arms open, because he doesn't make a move towards him. All that comes out of his mouth after a tense moment is the following, rushing out in a jumble.]
—I'm sorry. I, I'm sorry, I didn't... I'm sorry, I tried my best, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I should have been more careful, I...
[He... might be crying a little, suddenly. Troublesome indeed.]
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So he reaches out to just wrap his arms around Evan, pulling him closer for a hug.]
Who are you apologizing to...
I know you did your best. I know, I know. It's okay. You can cry. It's just me.
[He won't mind - he won't look away.]
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It's a little hard to speak through the sudden thickness in his throat, but he keeps going regardless.]
I, I promised. I promised, I promised, I want to go back, I promised that I wouldn't, that I wouldn't do this, I promised. I-I'm such an idiot, I...
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Jae-ha is reminded of that clearly in this moment as he lets Evan cry on him, doesn't worry about the way that he breaks down, and only holds him as if he's just trying to keep all his pieces together until he's able to find the strength to do it himself. He's so... so young, and he didn't deserve this.
He didn't deserve what happened to him.]
... I know. I believe you. You're not an idiot.
[Soft affirmation after soft affirmation - it's okay if Evan needs to cry, if he needs to work out all of his sadness here.]
It's not over... Whoever you broke your promise to - we'll get you back to them so you can apologize. This isn't the end.
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[He cuts off to try and take a labored breath, rubbing his hand over his face rapidly to try and clear away some of the falling tears. The reminder does help a bit. His desperation loses some of the intensity it's built up, and a softer tone of regret replaces it in his voice.]
I, I thought, I thought I could do better, I... I shouldn't have, have trusted him, I shouldn't have. I'm sorry.
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And shakes his head quietly. He pulls back - not enough to pull away from the hug, though. One arm remains around Evan, his other hand coming to try to brush away at the falling tears.]
... you did the best you could, didn't you? Against an idiot like that...
You don't need to apologize for trying to do what you thought was right. Not to me, at least.
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...Sorry.
[A deep breath, and a swallow.]
I just, I just want to go home.
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[Confident as anything. Jae-ha tilts his head and offers a smile at that even as he offers a smile. It's sincere, but clearly more encouraging than inherently joyful.]
It's not over. Not at all.
As long as we still have legs to walk on, and ways to move forward, we're not going to give up - right?
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—You're here, too. [Which is obvious, of course he's known that for a while, but--] What, what happened to you? We never found out who... did that to your leg.
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That... sounds like a bad idea to share when you're already upset.
[like
just saying]
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No, no, I... You can tell me, I'll be fine. I, I want to know, I'll be fine.
[He's!! fine.]
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[ . . . ]
I'll tell you in a little while, okay? You've already been hit with a lot all at once.
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—No, I, I don't want anything to drink. I'm not thirsty.
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...]
Alright. Sorry.
[But he doesn't linger on it - aiming to avoid the awkwardness.]
A walk through the gardens then. It's not quite as gloomy as it was when I first arrived - I'd like to see it now, if you want to accompany me.
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[He seems to have calmed down a bit, at least, as he shoves the remainder of his tears out of his eyes. He nods.]
Okay. I, um, I... W-Whenever you're ready.
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It's brightened up considerably... I imagine it's likely from the addition of all of you? I'm still not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.
[Jae-ha just hums - and he'll keep his arm comfortably around Evan's shoulders as he moves to walk.]
Might as well enjoy the beauty we still get to have here.
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[Though he can't say it's better that more people are here, considering... everything. He doesn't pull away while Jae-Ha keeps his arm around him, walking with him.]
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[why is he so simple sometimes]
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I, I guess you haven’t changed at all.
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... I guess I'm just not good at lingering on the things that frustrate me - but I'm too stubborn to stay still.
It's alright if you take a bit longer to recover... that sort of thing just makes sense.
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How do you just... decide not to, to linger on it? I mean, it's... What happened to you, with your leg and everything, it was - horrible.
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... don't mistake it for forgiveness, I guess. I'm still mad. I'll probably be angry until I get to punch him in the face just once. I already got the other one.
[He'll be vague for a little longer, I guess.]
But.. well, there are reasons behind those types of things, right? I couldn't find them at first, and that was more frustrating than anything.
But it's a war - people make choices because they think that's what they have to do or what they should do at the time, because they have other things they want to protect. If I think about it like that... I can't stay angry.
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[It's not so easy for him to accept.]
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[In comparison, Jae-ha's answer is light.]
You can't kill what you can't catch. I was confident that no one would be able to keep up with me, as long as I had my leg, and thus I was safe. So the ways to catch me are pretty clear - lure me into space where I can't find traction to jump, or get rid of my dragon leg.
[ . . . ]
It's brutal, but it's true. I wouldn't have gone down any other way.
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